I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize