all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize