Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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