What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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