One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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