Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This baby is an asshole
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I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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