Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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