Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize