Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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