Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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