We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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