I must be too annoying 4 u.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
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Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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