Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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