Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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