He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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