Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize