she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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