You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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