Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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