why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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