When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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