we have pet lesbian snakes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize