Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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