I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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