I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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