Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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