he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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