my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I still have a little drunk in my system
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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