Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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They took my balls.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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