I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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