Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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