4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
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You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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