Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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