No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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