Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
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Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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