we're chasing vodka with high fives
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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