I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
and you fell through a lawn chair
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