i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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