I just cut my nipple shaving
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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