I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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