pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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