can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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