he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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