Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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