And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize