i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
worst night to have a conscience
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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