Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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