Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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