it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
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jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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