no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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