It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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