i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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